Written by: Sean McCaffrey from http://www.declarationofindependents.net/doi/pages/index1.html
PRESHOW: Myers makes the pick-up at the McCrib. Unfortunately, his piece of shit German car dies like a ’78 Pinto. Shit we’d be better off in a ’78 Pinto. So after picking up a 24 pack, we took the McWhip to the Elks Lodge for a night of wrestling in the filthiest building in indy wrestling.
Luminaries in attendance: Manslaughter, Candy, Jenn, Ralfaela, Mary Kate, Dyami, Amanda Violet, Big Jay, Brian “My Car Sucks Swollen Monkey Testicles” Myers, Todd, Marcus Adler, Matt Zombie, Abby (Not the butcher) Mike “My DRS pajamas are a Size Small” Zevon, Dickie Rodz, J-Silva, Chris Devine, Foxxy Dreams, Damian Dragon, Spyder and that big drunk Tony Burma. Tony Burma is mad cool in my book, cause that dude was slamming beer all night with me. I still outdrank him, haha, but seriously, a Burma/MiC drinkdown is in the works for all you fans of professional alcoholism or liver deterioration. Oh yea, that drunk 13 year old was there too. They should really have a reality TV show of this kid, the kid is 13 years old and a drunk mess. Oh wait , I think I heard that 8 years ago…
One more thing to note: Wefewee Wimmy Wames aka KR, was a bell ringer all night. Now this is where I gotta say something. Frank Goodman put up a good little rant, about bringing people into the business, and letting them in on things. Wefewee Wimmy Wames is someone that you don’t bring in at all to be involved in any way unless he sells 453 to the 10th power tickets. He still is wearing those disgusting bunioned up sandals, with his camel toe shorts, for the Wefewee Wimmy Wames fans. I’m sure Frank will get 8097 voicemails from Wefewee Wimmy Wames about working the next show. I’m calling it now lol.
Oh yea, Big, from Tough Enough and Coach were there from the WWE, presumably to watch Al Snow’s match. Coach seemed like a funny ass guy and drank like a pro. Good job. Now onto the show lol
Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz (KC Blade/EC Negro) d. Johnny Ova/Dan Barry
Barry/Ova are the next best thing since the SAT! This was a pretty cool match. Good way to start the show, even if it pushes the DRS lower in the USA Pro tag division. Lots of solid wrestling in this one. I was glad to see Johnny Ova have a great USA PRO debut. The finish saw The DRS give Ova/Barry a double dirty rotten driver. It looked very sweet. This was enough for the pinfall, even if Barry might’ve kicked out at the last millisecond. No Irish Car Bombs unfortunately, but I guess 32 beers made up for it lol.
Three Man on a Team Elimination Tag Match
Los Lunatics (Boogalou/Eddie Guapo/Low Ryda) d. Elm Street Kids (Pyscho/Rayza/Some white kid), Danny Demanto/Kevin Matthews/J-Kronik/Smoked Out/Jimmy Huster/Some black dude. Couldn’t get two people’s names in this one. This match was alright, but then again didn’t really add anything memorable to the show. I am a huge fan of Los Lunatics, so that was good seeing all 3 of them up together and winning. Eddie Guapo killed the Elks Lodge curse tonight, by looking good in his ring time. J-Kronik and others didn’t really get too much ring time. In maybe the “worked-shoot” part of the match, Boogalou went ape-shit on Demanto, building off Boogalou’s thrashing of Demanto at the last ICW show. Good way to continue an angle, but will we see a Boogalou vs Danny Demanto match? ESK looked ok in very limited ring time as well. Those guys can’t get a break, as it seems they only had one match to shine, vs Louie, and haven’t had much time to show their stuff since. Los Lunatics lastly eliminate Demanto/Matthews/Kronik.
POSTMATCH: Lunatics pummel Demanto/Matthews/Kronik.
Johnny TNT/Chris Calliber d. James New Blood/Jav
This is one of the reasons USA PRO shows are long. Did this match really have to take place? They could’ve been thrown in the upcoming battle royal, or thrown in the three man match with another partner. This match wasn’t really too hot, and thankfully was short, with TNT picking up the pinfall.
All of a sudden, DOI CEO, Mike Zevon, and Triple “Watch my NYWC shoot” A, come out to the ring. They have a 898 star match. LOL j/k. They set up tables and chairs for the next segment on the show.
Knightlife Auditions:
This was to get a new member into Knightlife, since someone was leaving later on. After a few hilarious jokes by Billy Reil, as usual, the auditions were on their way. Josh Deeley is the first person to try out. He gets pummeled for his efforts. Miss Michelle comes out next, and Striker insults her dated hair style. How do you know about hair styles Striker? Anyway, Miss Michelle is given the boot. Out next come the Christopher Street Connection (Mace/Buffy) They are interested in Striker, and cut a funny promo. Out comes Skin Head Ivan and his partner for tonight, Zena. They are sick of “faggots strolling around.” Ivan cuts a good promo. This all morphs into…
CSC d. Skinhead Ivan and Zena
There was one person here that didn’t fit in with the others, and his name wasn’t Mace, Buffy or Ivan. This was an ok match, but I felt Zena looked like he didn’t belong. Maybe it’s cause he was with established ring veterans such as Ivan and the CSC, but one he didn’t play up to Ivans skinhead gimmick, where someone like SVS, when with Ivan, does. Secondly, he looked like he’d be better off in the Royal Rumble then in this one. Anyway, CSC and Ivan looked really good, but in the end, the CSC came out on top , after hitting the Gay basher. Ivan still has his unsanctioned Nazi Title, for all you white power maniacs out there.
Next up was the Live Maniac Minute.
Maniac brings out AJ Sparxx, Miss Sinful, Josh Deely and some other guy. Maniac cuts a promo about these 4 and the stuff on the USA Pro message board, which I’ve been informed is 100% true lol. Where’s the integrity on that board anyway? LoL. Maniac talks about a drunken fan, and points him out- hopefully Myers will lay off the booze one day. Maniac rips apart Josh/Sinful/AJ and asks about who’s having sex with what, where and whom. He wanted to know if Miss Sinful really drops flounders from the v-hole. This was not true, according to Miss Sinful. After ripping these three up, out comes (In the Masked Maniac Voice) “dirty, smelly, Randy.” Randy aka Darkfire aka Adolph comes out and gets smacked around by the Maniac. The Maniac should’ve slapped Wefewee Wimmy Wames for wearing those cameltoe shorts. The Maniac pulls Randys pants down, and fortunately for Randy, there were no hotdogs present. Maniac leaves to a pop.
Homicide d. Deranged
I gotta agree with my fellow DOI editor, Mike Zevon on this one. This was the match of the night. You can’t say enough good things about Deranged, and how he’s gotten really good really fast. From matches with Sheridan, Low Ki, Red and now tonight with Homicide, Deranged is usually in the match of the night. Homicide is one of my favorite wrestlers, so I was glad to see him put on a great match. Lots of great chain wrestling in this one, mixed in with submissions and top rope moves. The finish saw Homicide get the win after 2 BRUTAL Copkillas. (Vertebreaker) Crowd popped huge for this match, and gave Deranged an ovation.
POSTMATCH: Homicide gives Deranged props, then directs his attention to Tim Arson, who is doing color commentating with Dexter Weiner. Homicide goes off on Tim Arson calling him a “faggot” “pussy” and more. He told Arson to be professional and quit talking shit on the internet and on hotlines, and get in the ring and deal with Homicide man to man. Arson has a bum neck, from a match in WWW, so Arson didn’t make his way towards the ring. After challenging Goodman to make the match, and much hesitation by Goodman, for the fear of booking a shoot fight, the match is finally made for September 26. Arson cuts a promo on USA PRO TV about Homicide and the match afterward.
Balls Mahoney d. Low Life Louie
Wild match. This was Louie’s first defeat in USA PRO. A dildo was brought into the ring, and wound up in Louie’s mouth. This match was barbaric and featured lots of blood, lots of chairs and lots of interference from Balls’s manager, Lauren. After some brutal moves, Balls rolled Louie up on his side for the pinfall victory.
POSTMATCH: Balls blows Fire into Louie’s face. Sickening.
Intermission. Got some more beer. Man I was rocked tonight lol. Also the going away card to Myers was presented, as he’s going away to college to learn not to drive a shitty car.
Solution w/Miss Michelle d. Nuke/Southern Vinny Styles w/Randy
Eh. Solution deserve better, and seeing Nuke parading around as white trash, instead of capitalizing on a great victory at the last show, was somewhat disappointing. Solution basically kicked ass in this match, and got the win after The Problem Solver. Give The Solution a chance against the SAT’s, Mikey/Wayne etc, instead of randomly made tag teams, and let them show why they are one of the best tag teams today.
Ticket Seller mixed in with real wrestlers Gauntlet was up next.
Josh Deeley wins the Ticket Seller mixed in with real wrestlers Gauntlet.
Other people in this match featured The Motivator who got robbed like a white man in Harlem. Motivator was wrongfully eliminated, and announced as such by those animals, Sean Hanson and Steve D’Angelis. At least Moto got a nice drop kick off, and screwed Johnny Bison Bravado out of a victory. Josh Deeley wins this shindig, to continue his winning streak at 2.
Mikey Whipwreck/Wayne d. Boogie Knights to become the new USA PRO Tag Team Champions
Didn’t see much of this one as I was getting some beer in the long lines. Mike Zevon told me it was a great match, so I’ll take his word for it. Mikey/Wayne are now the Tag Champs of NY, as they hold the NYWC belts as well. Mikey/Wayne pick up the pinfall victory.
POSTMATCH: Danny Drake announces that he is retiring, due to neck injuries. The crowd goes nuts and shows appreciation for Drake, and all he did in USA PRO. Good luck Drake. Goodman comes out and gives some nice words about Drake as well. I guess the DOI Drake shirts are going to be in high demand now lol. But seriously, it sucks to see Drake gone, and where Mike Tobin goes from here should be interesting. Hopefully he won’t team with Tony Lo, as Tony Lo isn’t ready to be on a big time level like Tobin. Where the JAP angle vs Mack goes from here is up in the air as well. Good luck Drake on your retirement, and good luck to Tobin on finding a niche in independent wrestling as either a singles wrestler or with a new partner.
Slyk Wagner Brown w/April Hunter d. Mike Kruel for the US Title
Great match here. Slyk is def one of the top 10 wrestlers in the indies today. Slyk is another guy who steals every show he’s on. Kruel did his usual “work on the left arm”, while Slyk went toe to toe with Kruel. April Hunter is a great manager and got the crowd involved into the match. Slyk finally got the win with the Holy Slyk. (Flipping Razor Edge front slam)
Billy Reil w/Striker d. Simply Luscious and April Hunter
So-so match. Not a big fan of intergender matches thrown together at the last second. It was built good though through the last match. Reil pins April Hunter to get the duke. I think April vs Luscious would’ve been a better match.
Xavier d. Grim Reefer for the USA PRO Xtreme Championship
Excellent match here. I don’t care what anyone says, but Reefer can go toe to toe with anyone. Xavier has been on a roll and elevating new wrestlers to his level, such as his match with Dan Barry at a recent show. Xavier gets the pinfall to continue the trend, as the 3rd title changed hands here tonight.
Al Snow d. Sandman
Both cut promos before the match, where Al got some heel heat. I wasn’t really digging this match as it was getting late, and it’s more smellier and sweatier in the Elks Lodge than the Motivators apartment. Al Snow gets the win after the snowplow.
POSTMATCH: Al Snow snowplows Sean Hanson 3 times for no reason at all. Did not like this, because Hanson was able to get up and do the next match with no problems at all.
Raven w/Mikey/Wayne/Tara Charisma d. D-Lo Brown to retain the USA PRO World Title
This match was all over the place and featured massive interference by Raven’s flock. D-Lo looked like he had the win on numerous occasions, but Tara/Mikey/Wayne kept getting in the way. Raven eventually got the evenflow DDT to retain his USA Pro championship title.
Final McWord:
Another great show by USA PRO. The negatives are the same- the crap really stinks, and the show is too long, but the positives made up for it. I’m a big fan of the indy guys looking good, as was the case today with Slyk/Xavier etc. Another great show by USA Pro, and the best all around wrestling ticket in town.
